Breathe
by askandiappear
Summary: With her and Eli finally working through their rough patch, acing her Columbia interview, and being a senior at Degrassi, nothing could go wrong, right? Or maybe it could take a turn for the worst. When Clare finds out she's pregnant with Drew's child, how is she going to handle this? Will it ruin her realtionship with Eli? How will her family react? And of course, Drew himself?
1. Chapter 1: When All Falls Down

Clare's POV:

My expression turned to stone. I could feel my heart beginning to beat at a dangerously quick pace as the nurse's words dug their way into my brain. The glands of sweat seeped through my entire body, and I attempted to utter out something but no words came out.

"Miss Edwards? Are you still there?" The woman's voice seemed to break the barrier of bringing me back into reality.

"I-I…" I stuttered hopelessly. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Pardon? Miss Edwards, were you even aware of this before I mentioned it to you?"

"I'm not pregnant. There must be some sort of mistake. Someone must have mixed up the blood work, or-or gotten me confused with another patient because there is no way-" I rambled, trying to convince myself this entire thing was just a twisted nightmare and I was going to wake up any second.

"The doctors are always responsible for making sure there are no mix-ups. However, I suppose there is always the chance that there has been an error regarding whose blood work is whose. I suggest you buy a pregnancy test for you to take at home if you are this concerned. It's important that you are conscious of your results, especially at an age as young as eighteen."

"It was a mistake!" I blurted out, losing control of my temper. A silence grew over the phone. "I'm sorry, I just-this can't actually be happening. This isn't me!" I cried.

"Maybe it was a mistake, but every action has some sort of consequence. We have dealt with many situations involving pregnant teenagers." She replied gloomily. "Oh, Miss Edwards, another call is coming in. But I advise you take that pregnancy test." The line disconnected.

I hung up slowly, tears starting to sting at my corners of my eyelids.

"What was that all about?" Alli's voice startled me. I had almost forgotten I was standing in the middle of the Degrassi parking lot. Concern washed over her face when I turned to face her and she noticed I was crying.

"Clare? What's going on?" She questioned me worriedly. My heart dropped when I realized that if I really _am_ pregnant, the baby isn't Eli's. It's _Drew's_.

"Oh my God." I barely choked out. I felt like I was going to pass out onto the road.

"Clare? Tell me what happened on that phone call! You can talk to me." She urged me to say something more.

"Alli…" I hung my head shamefully. "I'm…pregnant."

"Y-you're joking." Her voice lowered to a hushed whisper.

I gazed at her, my eyes filled with apprehension.

"Oh, Clare…" Alli began sympathetically. "Do you know for sure?"

"The n-nurse on the phone said it showed up with my blood work but that I should still take a pregnancy test to make s-sure. Just to know if they mixed me up with someone else." I sucked in a breath sharply, willingly trying to fight off the tears that dared to fall.

"Everything is going to be okay, Clare. Okay? We'll figure something out. I'll be-"

"Okay?!" I hollered frantically, throwing my hands up into the air. "I'm _pregnant_, Alli! What am I going to tell my family?! Saint Clare got herself knocked up? My mom's probably going to kick me out of the house for all I know! This isn't _me_! This isn't how things are supposed to be! How am I ever going to get into Columbia?! What the hell am I going to say to Eli?! It's not even his kid! It's DREW'S!"

Alli's eyes widened in shock. "_Drew_?" The word came out revolting and bitter.

"You saw him and Becky earlier! What am I supposed to say to him? Hey Drew, can I interrupt your new relationship for a brief moment so we can discuss what to do with our _baby_?! Eli's never going to speak to me again, I'm never going to graduate, I'll never get into Columbia! My life is going to fall apart! And all I'll be is some stupid slut! A stupid, pathetic slut!" I fell to my knees and cradled my head in my hands, my entire body trembling. I felt Alli rest a hand on my shoulder gently.

"You are going to get through this, Clare. And I'll be here for you the entire way. You're not going to have to do this alone, I promise."

I know she was only trying to give me some sort of hope to cling onto, but it doesn't matter. I'm pregnant and we both know it. There's nowhere to hide.

"It's not fair." I whimpered.

"I know, sweetie. You don't deserve this."

"But it's my fault! No one was making me have sex with Drew!" I'm going to blame myself for this. I should blame myself for this. This would've never happened if I hadn't thrown myself at Drew, only because I was angry with Eli.

"You made a mistake. Mistakes have consequences but nothing is impossible to deal with. You're still the Clare Edwards I've known for these past four years. You're still unbelievably smart. You're still a fantastic writer. You're still absolutely gorgeous. You still have the kindest heart of anyone I know. You can still go to Columbia and you can still be a journalist someday."

I smiled weakly, tears still sliding down my cheeks and off my chin. "Thank you, Alli. You might be the only person I have on my side right now." She pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I guess I should go get that pregnancy test now." I sighed mournfully.

"I'll be right there with you when you buy it, and I'll be right there with you when you take it. No matter what the results are gonna be."

* * *

"Alli, I'm scared. I don't even want to think about looking at it. I don't wanna know." I became more and more hesitant.

"You have to, Clare. Just-come out here and we'll look together." She replied with a reassured tone to her voice.

"Okay…" I opened the bathroom door and handed her the test stick. I turned away squeezing my eyes shut, as if that would prevent me from ever seeing the answer. The room fell silent.

"Well…? What does it say? Just tell me." I whispered anxiously.

"I'm so sorry, Clare…it came back positive." She looked up at me with apologetic eyes.

"Why did I even bother?! I already knew what was going to happen!" I screamed as I slid down the wall onto the floor.

"I wish there was something I could do to make this better. But I know I can't." Alli replied while sitting next to me.

"Wow, because that makes me feel better." I scoffed sarcastically. Alli winced at the comment but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry." I turned to look at her. "I'm lucky you're even sitting here with me right now."

"Clare, it's fine. I can't even imagine how you must feel. I mean, I've had my fair share of problems, but nothing like this." She frowned. "So, who are you going to tell first?"

"I mean, anyone would assume I'd tell Drew first. But, for some reason…" I paused, nervous that I would sound like a complete idiot.

"Let me guess. Starts with an E and ends in an I?" She knew me too well.

"I'm going to have to tell him anyway. I know it's going to affect him more than Drew. God, he's going to hate me. I mean, Eli hasn't really freaked out in a while, even with the Asher thing. But I know this is going to push him over the edge. That's why I have to tell him first. Because I know telling him is going to be the hardest." I started to get up from the floor.

"Wait, you're gonna tell him today? Like right now?" She sounded shocked.

"I have to. There's no point in waiting."

"So you're gonna go all the way to New York? You just got back!"

"It doesn't matter! I need to do this." I told her.

"What about your family? Your parents? Don't you think you should tell them first?" She said hastily.

"There is no way I can face my family alone. I need someone to be with me when I tell them."

"Let me guess again: Eli?"

"Eli just makes me feel better even if I feel like breaking down. If anyone's with me when I tell my family, I want it to be him. If he doesn't go crazy and never speaks to me again." The though of never speaking to him again in my life made me want to fall onto the floor and cry.

I walked over to my desk and picked up my cell phone, dialing Eli's number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Edwards. Or should I say, 'future Columbia student'. Nah, I think I'll stick with Edwards." He joked.

"Eli." I barely uttered out the word. "I have to tell you something." My voice cracked at the end of my sentence.

"What's wrong? What is it?" His tone instantly changed, concern flooding his voice.

"This isn't something I can tell you over the phone. I have to come tell you in person." I tried my best to keep it together; I know I'm already going to do enough crying when I actually tell him.

"Are you okay? Oh no. Clare, it's not cancer, is it? Please tell me it didn't come back. I don't know what I would do with myself knowing you'd have to suffer that way again-"He began speaking frantically.

"Eli, it's not cancer. But I think this might be just as painful."

"What do you mean? Did something happen to you?" He croaked.

"Sort of...I just...I have to come to New York. And I have to come tonight."


	2. Chapter 2: Broken Promises

Clare's POV:

I had to come up with at least _some_ believable excuse about why I needed to go back to New York. I mean, it's not like I can tell Jake and my parents why I'm _really_ going. They would think I was crazy if I was getting on another flight just to go and see Eli. Let alone to drop a bomb on him that I'm pregnant. I had to think of something better, something that would convince them this was important. Without actually telling them the truth.

"Clare, sweetie, I'm home! Come here and help me cook dinner! I haven't seen you all day." I heard my mother call from downstairs.

"I'll uh, be there in a second!" I replied back to her, trying to sound as unsuspicious as possible. Lying has never been one of my strengths, but, everything has to seem like it's exactly the way it always is.

"I'm making lasagna, your favorite." My mother's voice grew closer as I walked into the kitchen. "Here, can you start grating this cheese?" She smiled, handing me the grater.

"Sure…" I took it and did as she asked. "So uh, mom, guess what?"

"What, honey?" She eventually responded, distracted from spreading a thick layer of marinara sauce. Maybe this would be the perfect time to tell her.

"Columbia called." I lied. "They want to meet with me again. Apparently there's something really vital they forgot to ask me about."

"Really? I don't remember seeing any calls from them." She said questioningly.

"That's because they called my cell phone." There was no way I was going to let her catch me in this.

"Oh. Well, why couldn't they just ask you about it then? On the phone?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Because uh, they just-think it's something that has to be done in person."

"Is it bad?"

"What? No!" Only the truth is, I thought gloomily. "I mean, they didn't really say, but, I don't think so."

"I just think it's a little ridiculous that you have to fly back to New York. You know, I can call them and see if they can make an exception-"

"No!" I objected frantically. "Mom, this is my dream school. If I try to fight them on something they're asking me to do they might not consider me anymore! Please, can I just go?" I begged her.

"Alright, you can go. Do they want you to go back this weekend or something?"

"Actually, they uh, were hoping I'd be able to go tonight." My eyes fell to the ground. She was never going to believe this.

"Tonight? You just came home yesterday!" She stopped sprinkling the cheese to look up at me.

"I know. I think it's crazy too. Trust me. But I have to go. I need to. There could be something really-wonderful they want to ask me." I grimaced. There is nothing wonderful about what I'm going to go do.

"I know how much Columbia means to you. So, maybe you really should go." She finally agreed.

"Go where?" I heard a familiar voice and Jake soon appeared in the kitchen.

"To New York. The interviewers at Columbia said there's something else they need to ask me about."

Jake snorted. "Are you sure it isn't just to go see Eli?"

"Eli?" I feigned puzzlement. "Sure, we talked last time and we're thinking about working things out, but, I'm not going just to see him."

"You weren't going to see him last time, either. But look what happened." He smirked, raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, well, that was just the circumstances!" I threw back at him defensively, and he put his hands up in surrender.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a flight to catch."

"Don't you need a plane ticket?" He said through a mouth full of lasagna.

"I can just buy one at the airport."

"Yeah, but isn't it like crazy expensive? And what if there's no seats left?"

"There will be!" I exclaimed angrily. I wasn't in the mood for Jake to bring up other things that could possibly go wrong.

"Good luck with that." He replied as he walked towards the living room with his plate of lasagna.

-In New York-

My palms began to sweat, my face twisted with worry as I came face to face with Eli's dorm. This is it, I thought to myself. This is where everything starts to fall apart. Where the love of my life tells me he never wants to see me again. This is where I lose it. I try to slow my heart but it's no use. The harder I try to relax the more I start to panic. I wish I could calm myself down, put all of this on pause and just-_breathe_. I sucked in a breath and braced myself for the moment I see his face when he opens the door. I form a fist and knock.

"Clare." Eli says in a hushed tone. This time his green eyes don't glow. They look cloudy and full of angst, which makes my stomach twist.

"Hey." I reply tentatively.

"Come in." He murmurs, lightly motioning into the dorm room. I sit down on the edge of his bed and he kneels on the ground in front of me.

"Whatever it is, I'm going to be here for you."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." I mumble in dismay.

"Well you should be. You can tell me anything. You know that." He reassures me.

"I'm not even sure where I should start."

"Just take your time. There's no rush." His words are gentle. He's so concerned for me and I'm about to sit here and rip his heart out. Tears prick at the corners of my eyelids.

"Okay, so I-I…" I fumbled for words to tell him about the call from the nurse. "When I was in New York yesterday for my interview, I got hurt. I wasn't l-looking where I was going and I ran into a pole. I passed out on the sidewalk and I went to the hospital."

His eyes widened. "Is that what that patch on your forehead was from? How come you didn't tell me about that?"

"Because it really wasn't a big deal. I had to get some stitches, and along with that I got some blood work just to make sure I was okay. But, I had to get to my interview so I didn't have time to wait for the results. Then I came home, and a couple hours later I got a c-call from the nurse that had drawn my blood. And then s-she", I struggled to continue speaking.

"It's okay." Eli intervened, taking my hands in his softly.

"Eli, I-I don't know if I can do this." I sprung from the bed and broke down hysterically.

"Clare." I could hear the pain in his voice. He knows how hard this is for me to tell him.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered. "I need to get myself together and just say it. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Don't apologize, Clare. There's nothing wrong with you." He came closer to me and held a determined gaze.

"I made a mistake, Eli. And it's not something we're going to laugh about later. It has to be the biggest mistake of my life. And now I'm going to have to suffer because of it."

"It doesn't matter. I don't care what it is. I care about _you_, Clare. So much. And it seems like you and I have gone through just about everything. How bad can it be?" He tried to sound strong but I knew he was just as terrified as I was.

"It's bad. It's really, really bad. You're going to hate me!" I cried, cradling my head in my hands.

"Clare. Never, in a million years, could I ever hate you. Why would you say that?"

"You don't understand, Eli. You say that now, but once you find out what I need to tell you everything is going to change. You're going to want nothing to do with me."

"I promise you that will _not_ happen."

"Eli, I'm…pregnant." My voice was barely audible.

"What?" He managed to croak out.

"I'm so, so sorry Eli." He face was a mixture of dismay and confusion.

"But…why would I hate you?" He whispered, a layer of fear coating his voice. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head guiltily.

"Clare?" He reaches to grab my hands again but I pull away in shame.

"Because it's not yours."


	3. Chapter 3: Secrets

Eli's POV:

For a second I thought I misheard her. As if the words that were now out in the open weren't the ones that actually came out of her mouth. My mind began to spin. The idea of Clare giving herself to someone that wasn't me made me sick to my stomach. And the worst part of it was that I knew exactly who it was. I felt my fists clench at my sides.

"You two had _sex_?" I spat out, the anger in my voice rising towards the end of my sentence.

"Eli, I-", Clare began frantically but I interrupted her.

"When were you gonna tell me this?!" I fumed, throwing my hands up into the air. She gazed at me with a hopeless shame in her eyes. "You weren't going to." I scoffed, turning away from her.

"Eli, please," she begged. "I know you're mad but I need you to let me explain!"

"Explain what? How you let that asshole jock get into your head?!"

"No! That I made a mistake! A huge, pathetic mistake! And I know I can't take it back now but you have to believe me when I say I _would_ if I could!" She cried, tears escaping her eyes. "And I-I know that your mistake is nothing compared to this, but it meant _nothing _to me. I _swear_ to you! I don't even know where my common sense was when I did it! I just felt so a-alone without you and I-"

"And _sex_ with _him_ was the solution?" I growled through gritted teeth.

"No! No, no, no." She repeated shamefully as she fell to her knees on the floor. "I am so sorry, Eli. I am so, so sorry. I knew that this was gonna be the last time we talked to each other. I told you you were going to hate me. And God, do you have every right to. Trust me, I'm paying for it. I'm nothing but a _slut_ now and I know it. I know me even being here in the same room as you probably makes you want to throw up. I'm gonna get out of your life, Eli, don't worry. You deserve to have a wonderful experience at NYU and be the incredible film director you're meant to be. I will never, ever try to take that away from you. I still love you with every bit of me, even though it doesn't seem that way right now. You deserved to know this. It wouldn't be fair to you if I never admitted it. I'm just gonna go-"

"Clare." I barely whispered. "I don't hate you."

"Y-you don't?" She looked up at me with a spark of hope.

"No. And you're not a slut." I promised her. "You made a mistake, and I know that. It was a really _big_ mistake," I added, wincing, "But it was still a mistake."

"Is there any way you can ever, possibly forgive me?" She murmured.

"I'd like to think I can get there…eventually." I reassured her, and she gave me what seemed to be the weakest smile. "So…what are you gonna do? About the baby I mean."

"I mean…I can't just end its life before it's even begun. That's probably the biggest sin I could ever commit. But I can't raise it either. I'm guessing the only choice I have is adoption. I need to ask Drew what he wants. Even though I probably already know he'll want nothing to do with it." She mumbled sarcastically.

"You haven't even told Drew yet?" My eyes widened in shock.

"No…I just found out earlier today! You're the first person I told besides Alli."

"Why me, though?" I replied in confusion.

"Because I knew telling you was going to be harder than telling Drew. I know that sounds insane but it's the truth…I wanted to get the most painful part out of the way. Although I think my mom comes in at a pretty close tie." She fidgeted with her hands as dread came over her face. "Can I…ask you something?"

"Yeah." I nodded lightly, crouching next to her on the ground.

"I don't think I'll be able to tell my parents alone." She spoke with a kind of fear I had never heard from her before.

"Well I can imagine Drew would be there too."

"Actually, do you think, maybe…you could come with me?" She asked quietly. I stared at her in hesitation.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry. I don't even know why I asked that, it was such a ridiculous question. Why would you come all the way back to Toronto to help me tell my parents about a baby that isn't even yours? God, that was so selfish. Forget I even asked." She stumbled back onto her feet. "I should really go now. Again, I'm so sorry, Eli. About all of this. I totally understand if you need time to think about if you even want to consider us in the future. Or me in your future. At all." She began to walk towards the door when I grabbed her arm.

"Clare, wait." She spun around to face me.

"Eli, it's okay. I can handle it."

"I don't get why the actual father can't come with you instead." I snapped suddenly, my bitterness from earlier returning. "Why _do _you even want me there?"

"Because…because just you being with me makes me feel the slightest bit better. I just feel safer when I'm with you. Stronger. Like I can take on absolutely anything." Her words swatted away at my anger.

"You really feel that way?"

"Yes. And as mad as you might be…I'm still in love with you. There is not one person breathing on this entire planet that I would rather spend the rest of my life with. No one could ever measure up to you."

I wanted to push everything aside and just hold her. I wanted it to be enough to convince me that she truly does regret what she did. It's not like I don't believe her. I know she cares about me just as much as I care about her. But there was still something holding me back.

"I should go." She repeated again, noticing the absence of a response from me.

"Clare-you know I'm still in love with you too. I just…I need some time to heal first. By the time you graduate and are ready to go to Columbia, I'll be over it." She frowned sadly, and then I realized why she was upset. "You can still go eventually, Clare. Even after you decide what to do it's not like you're going to have to raise it."

"I know." She replied softly and glanced at my alarm clock. "I'm gonna miss my flight home if I don't leave now, so…I'll talk to you soon I guess."

"Telling your parents isn't going to be easy. But, just know that I believe in you. I know you can do it." I spoke before she could walk out the door. She didn't say anything in return, just smiled sadly. And then I was standing alone.

Clare's POV:

When I was back home in Toronto, I decided there was no way I could tell my parents tonight. I had already been broken down enough from telling Eli. I just needed to sleep. Maybe a good night's sleep will help clear my head. I walked through the doorway of my house and was about to head upstairs when I heard my mother stop me.

"Clare, wait!" She called from the living room.

"Oh, hey." I replied weakly.

"Well? How'd it go? What did they need to ask you?"

_Shit._ I had completely forgotten what I'd told my mom earlier.

"It was great!" I forced out. "They wanted to see if I'd be interested in this huge scholarship." Oh my God. I did not just say that. I just lied to her about a scholarship to Columbia. A freaking _scholarship_.

"A scholarship? Honey, that's wonderful!" She put on a hand on my shoulder, beaming.

"I know, it's amazing." It almost felt sickening continuing to lie. "And I'd love to tell you more about it tomorrow because I am so tired. Night mom!" I said quickly, running up the stairs. I stopped in my tracks when I found Jake leaning against my bedroom door.

"Why were you really in New York tonight." He sounded more like he was making a statement rather than asking a question.

"I told you! It was about Columbia! Now can you move so I can go to sleep?" I groaned, trying to push him out of the way.

"Not until you tell me the truth."

"Jake, please…" I started to cry in humiliation.

"Whoa, why the tears?" He asked, his eyes full of concern.

"I have to tell you something."


	4. Chapter 4: Out of My Head

Clare's POV:

"I have to tell you something." I wiped away the few tears that had fallen.

"Did you and Eli get in a fight _again_? I swear it never ends with you two." He muttered, shaking his head.

"No, Jake. This has nothing to do with Eli." He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Okay, maybe it has a little to do with Eli. But it's mostly just about me." I stared at him in hesitation.

"Well? Go on." He urged me to continue.

"I guess there's no other way than to just come out and say it." I looked to the ground, avoiding his gaze. "I'm, uh…pregnant."

Jake chuckled lightly, folding his arms across his chest. "Alright Clare, what do you really want to tell me?" His expression dulled when he realized I wasn't joking. "You're pregnant?!"

"Would you keep it down?!" I whispered angrily. "They're going to hear you down there!"

"Tell me how this has nothing to do with Eli?"

"Eli…Eli's not the one who…" I stammered, desperately searching for a way to explain.

"If you're not gonna tell me then I might as well just go to bed." He began to turn around.

"The baby isn't his." I forced the words to come out.

"What?" He spun back to face me, his eyes wide.

"The baby-it's not Eli's. It's Drew's…" I shut my eyes tightly, terrified of seeing his response.

"Okay, now I know you're just messing with me." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Why would I lie about something like this?!" I cried.

"So you're saying you're pregnant with Drew's kid. Which means you had sex."

"Yes, Jake! That's exactly what I'm saying and you're standing here being as inconsiderate as possible!" I wailed, the tears from earlier re-appearing.

"I'm sorry." His face softened. "I'm not exactly being the best step brother right now."

"It's fine." I sighed, tugging at the sleeve of my cardigan.

"I thought you loved Eli?" He said questioningly.

"I do! I do love him. I made a mistake, okay? I would do _anything_ to take it back. How am I supposed to tell Helen?"

"I don't know, but you're gonna have to do it soon."

"You don't think she'll kick me out do you?" I murmured.

"I can't see Helen kicking you out of the house. I mean, she'll be furious but-"

"Don't you get it, Jake?" I interrupted him. "This won't be just a mistake to her. To her, this is a sin."

"I know. Look, it's gonna be okay. I'll be there with you when you do it if it makes you feel any better."

I smiled weakly. "Thanks."

"Tomorrow I guess?"

"Tomorrow...?" I felt my entire body tense. I'm not going to be ready to tell her tomorrow. I'm not ever going to be ready.

"Clare, you can't waste any time. She needs to know so you can make a decision." He saw me start to tremble. "Hey, try not to cry, okay? You'll get through this."

I nodded slowly.

"I'm gonna go to sleep, night."

I couldn't sleep all night. All I could think about was the look on my mother's face when she finds out her daughter is pregnant. Will she be disgusted? Will she _hate me_? What if she only thinks of me as a slut for the rest of my life? And what about the fact that it's Drew's? She doesn't even know that Eli and I had sex on prom night, let alone the fact that I had sex again. With someone else. I've been terrified to tell her ever since the moment I found out. But only now has it just hit me _how_ scared I actually am. I love my mom and I know she loves me, but for some reason I keep imagining her demanding that I leave the house. She'll tell me how disgraceful I am. How disappointed she is to have me as her daughter. She'll say how I can't raise it because that'll ruin my life, but that abortion is a sin. Then she'll go on and say that if I give it up for adoption no one might ever want it. How I could end up being responsible for destroying someone's life. Then she'll finally kick me out and tell me to find somewhere else to stay. Maybe that's exactly what will happen.

When I woke up, the clock read 9:06 AM. I knew today was going to be the day everything falls apart in a downward spiral. Even though Jake promised me he would be by my side, it doesn't feel like a safe guard. It just doesn't feel like it's going to be enough. I wish Eli could be here with me right now, just to tell me that I was going to be okay. That this isn't going to obliterate everything and my future isn't going to end up as just a fantasy. I know he said by the time I'm coming to Columbia to be with him he'd be over it. But with the way this is all turning out, somehow I can see that blowing up in my face, too.

"So operation break-the-baby news is going to happen when?" Jake tore me from my thoughts.

"I don't know." I groaned, rolling onto my side. "I guess sometime this afternoon."

"Alright, well, just let me know when you're ready."

"Can I get back to you in a million years?" I replied hopelessly.

"I'm afraid that may be a little too late." He snorted, heading downstairs and I followed behind him.

"So how come you haven't like, thrown up or anything yet?"

"What do you mean?" I tilted my head in confusion.

"Don't pregnant people throw up?" He asked, opening the fridge and grabbing the milk.

"Morning sickness? Yeah, but, it hasn't happened yet thankfully. I guess I'm not that far along."

"Oh. You know, just out of curiosity…why _did_ you have sex with Drew? When did you two even start having a thing?"

"I don't know, I just…I guess it was all because I missed Eli. And because I was so mad at him about the whole Lenore thing. I needed someone to be there, and it just-happened to be Drew. I was around him a lot because of student council and we became good friends. But when I broke with Eli, I…" I trailed off. Not because I didn't know what else to say, but because it felt like nothing else had to be said.

"I get it." He nodded. "I don't know if I would have gone as far as sex though."

"I know, Jake. It was a terrible move on my part. I definitely shouldn't have done it."

"I'm gonna go meet Katie for breakfast at the dot, so, I'll be back in a couple hours. That way you have time to prepare yourself before we actually do this." He noted while he slipped on his shoes.

"If you don't want to Jake, it's okay. I get it if you don't wanna be around for the backlash. You don't have to defend me. I don't want her to freak out on you too."

"Clare, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. You're just putting unnecessary pressure on yourself."

I was about to get myself some cereal when I heard a knock on the door. It can't be Drew, can it? Does he know already? Is he here to yell at me and ask why I hadn't told him yet? I thought as I headed through the living room to the front door. I opened it, and standing on those steps wasn't Drew. It was Eli.

"Eli...what are you doing here?" I asked in shock.

"I'm here to help you tell your parents. You don't deserve to go through this alone."


	5. Chapter 5: Lost

Clare's POV:

"Eli…what are you doing here?" I asked in shock.

"I'm here to help you tell your parents. You don't deserve to go through this alone." There was a kind of certainty in his eyes that made me want to believe he was right. Maybe I don't have to suffer on my own. Maybe it was okay that he would be the one to stand by my side. But I still couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt in my stomach.

"You don't have to do this." I breathed out sharply, keeping my gaze locked on him.

"What if…what if I want to?" He spoke softly.

I bit my lip in hesitation. "Shouldn't you hate me right now? Why are you even here?"

"If you want me to leave, I-I can go-"

"No!" I interrupted him. "No. I don't want you to leave."

The slightest smile appeared on his face. "Whether Drew decides to be here for you or not, I know that I'm going to be."

"Eli", was all that I managed to get out.

"Can I come in?" He asked, but the guilt I'd felt just seconds earlier made its way back into my mind.

"Clare?" His eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Yeah, yeah sorry. Come in." I fully opened the door and he stepped inside.

"So have you thought about how you're going to tell them?"

"Not if I can help it. I just keep imagining the look on her face when she finds out." I sighed flopping onto the couch, and Eli sat next to me.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I knew he was trying to make light of things because he knew _I _was terrified.

"Uh let's see-she screams and tells me that I disobeyed God shames me for acting dirty and kicks me out of the house without a second thought." I rambled in a panic.

"Clare." He whispered, laying his hand on top of mine. "You worry too much."

"I think I have a pretty good reason to be worried!"

"I know. But you're blowing this out of proportion. Maybe your mom won't be as disowning as you think."

"_Disowning_?!" I cried, my eyes widening at the thought.

"Okay-maybe I could have said that better." He muttered sheepishly.

"No, it's okay. You didn't have to come here to help me. But you did."

"Because I care about you."

"I know. And Eli, I need you to trust me when I say I would take it back in a heartbeat and-"

"Clare, it's alright." He intervened. "Let's just think about what you're going to tell your parents."

"I think it's a little too late for that." My voice tightened as I saw Jake come through the front door, my parents following behind him.

"Eli? I didn't know you were coming home today." My mother remarked.

'Neither did I', I thought to myself.

"Yeah I uh, came here to help Clare with something."

"Oh, a school project or something?" She replied questioningly.

"Actually, Mrs. Martin…" Eli began but quickly trailed off.

"There's something that I-that I have to tell you." I saw Jake glance at me as he sat down on a chair.

"What is it, Clare?" Glenn spoke considerably.

"I think you'll wanna sit down for this." I faltered, failing to sound strong.

"You can do this." Eli's words were barely audible, only meaning for me to hear him.

"I know that if I try to say this in any complicated way I'll never get to the point. So, I'm just gonna say it. I'm pregnant." My gaze instantly fell to the floor and I held my breath.

"Excuse me?" My mother's eyes narrowed.

"You heard me. Loud and clear." The tears were already beginning to fall.

"Clare Diana Edwards you _better_ not be serious." She sneered angrily.

I turned my head away from her in shame.

"You're telling me not only did you have sex but you're pregnant with Eli's child?!" Her voice rose with every word.

"Mom, I-"

"I cannot believe my own daughter would commit to such-_slutty_ behavior! This is a disgrace!"

"She's _not_ a slut." Eli growled through his teeth.

"Oh, really? You're the one who did this to her! I always knew you were some messed up, trashy disgusting boy who's only capable of doing damage!"

"Mom, STOP!" I shrieked.

"I think we need to settle this more calmly. Screaming at each other isn't going to-" Glenn attempted to reason with my mother and I.

"Stay out of this, Glenn!" My mother fired back.

"Helen, maybe he's right about this." Jake spoke fearfully.

"It's not Eli's, mom." I almost choked on the words.

"What do you mean it's not Eli's?!"

"I mean-I mean that", I trembled, my heart beating so fast I thought it was going to explode.

"You tell me _right now_!" She demanded.

"I mean that the baby is Drew's!"

"You had sex with another boy?! You, you whore!" My stomach dropped at her comment and my face was hot with tears.

"Don't you dare call her a whore." Eli's fury started to get the best of him.

"I will not allow such a disappointment as a daughter live under the roof of this house. I will not stand for this kind of behavior. I thought I knew you, Clare."

"Mom, mom no, please." I thought I was going to throw up.

"Get out of this house." She spoke so lowly it was almost horrifying.

"Mom, please! I know you're angry with me but you can't just do this! You can't just kick me out like this, I-"

"I said GET OUT of this house!" She hollered in a way I have never heard before in my life.

And so I ran. I ran out the door and down the street and ended up at that bench. Me and Eli's bench. I sat there and I cried in agony I never knew I could feel. Moments later I felt someone caress my hand gently.

"Clare…it kills me seeing you this broken." He whispered lovingly.

"What am I supposed to do now, Eli?! What am I supposed to do? My life is a complete disaster! No more Columbia, no more senior year. No matter what I do I can't fix it and I-I… ", my chest heaved.

"It's okay. I'm here." He scooped me into his arms and hushed me.

"I'm so sorry, Eli. I'm so, so sorry."

"Sorry?" He pulled away to look at me. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I do! I dragged you into this! I had sex with Drew I broke your heart and now you're sitting here trying to help me cope with the fact that my mother wants nothing to do with me! You don't deserve to have to deal with this. With me."

"Clare, stop. It doesn't matter." He gazed at me with worried eyes. "I just want you to be okay."

"I don't deserve to have you here with me." He ignored my comment, and instead rested his chin on my head.

"Until your mom decides to reach out to you again, which she will, we have to find you a place to stay."

"Alli's parents would never approve of me staying with them for a while because I'm pregnant and got thrown out of my house. And Jenna's family's away in Vancouver. Face it, Eli, I have nowhere to go. I'm going to end up living on the street with no family, a-and no future, and no support for-"

"Clare. Please, relax." He begged.

"I mean, it's a little hard when you're a senior in high school and you're pregnant with a baby who's not even your actual boyfriend's, but, you know." I rolled my eyes.

"I think I might have an idea." I became a bit hopeful, but he sounded a bit unsure.

"Like what?" I sighed sadly.

"It's going to be really difficult…it's going to change a lot of things. And it's a little ridiculous."

"Oh, well that's good." I replied sarcastically, tears still escaping from my eyes.

"But it could be the only option."

"You think I should get an abortion?" My heart sank heavily.

"No! No, no. I think you should have the baby. I mean that I have a potential living situation in mind. "

"Okay…well then what is it?"

"Maybe you can…" He started nervously.

"Maybe I can what?"

"You can come stay with me."


	6. Chapter 6: This is Really Happening

Clare's POV:

"Maybe I can what?" I pressed further and focused my eyes on his.

"You can come stay with me." He finally spoke.

"Eli, no." I shook my head doubtfully, pulling away from his embrace.

"Why not?"

"Because! You have everything going for you. You're almost through with your first year at NYU. You can't just forget about your dreams because of me."

"I'm not forgetting about my dreams! Look, Clare, I know it's crazy, but I want to help you. It'll be fine, really!"

"No, you're going to put too much pressure on yourself! You have enough to worry about already and I _don't_ want to add on to that."

"Why won't you let me be here for you?" His voice grew quiet, and he almost sounded as if he was hurt.

"Because, Eli…" I sighed, looking down at my hands in my lap.

"Just tell me why."

"Because I feel guilty. I am extremely guilty for getting you involved with this."

"Don't be." He cupped my face in his hands. "Think of it this way. If I didn't want to help you, I wouldn't be here."

I pushed away his hands gently and he rested his elbows on his knees.

"This isn't even your baby..." I murmured. "I just don't understand how you're willing to sacrifice nights out with your college friends to be with me."

"I'm willing to do that because I love you. Or I'm willing to try, at least. The answer's as simple as that."

"I don't know…I still don't feel right about it."

"Well where else are you going to go?" He snapped suddenly and I jumped a little. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated."

"It's okay, don't apologize." My eyes widened in realization.

"What's wrong?"

"Eli, how on earth would I stay with you when I'm supposed to be in school? I mean…I guess I could finish my senior year online somehow, but-"

"No, that's not fair to you. You're so close, you deserve to graduate! You deserve to feel what I felt when I tossed my cap into the air. I don't wanna take that away from you."

"Then I'll throw on a robe and toss a hat into the air!" I cried, springing up from the bench. "What other choice do I have? This is really happening. It's going to change things but there's nothing I can do about it."

"I guess that's just something we both have to accept." He agreed sadly.

"So…when's the soonest we can go?"

"You're going to come stay with me?"

"I have to. You're my only hope, Eli." I breathed out heavily and tears began to well in my eyes.

"You'll get through this. _We'll_ get through this. I promise." He whispered, taking me in his arms again. "I guess we better go back to your house to get your things."

"With my mom? Are you crazy?" I interjected. "There is no way I'm going back in there."

"Clare, you have to. And I'll be right there next to you." He held out his hand with an outstretched arm. "Shall we?"

"If I don't do this now I never will." I took his hand gently. "So let's go."

* * *

"What if she won't even let me go upstairs? What if she just tries to kick me out all over again?" I paced back and forth on the doorstep.

"Your mom can't refuse to let you in your own room." He replied, leaning against the brick wall.

"I wouldn't count on that." I muttered bitterly. "You know what? Maybe we should just wait and come back tomorrow while Helen's at work so I don't have to-"

"Clare." Eli put an end to my rambling. "You can't avoid your mom forever."

"Can I avoid her until I'm forced to make conversation?" I groaned.

"I wish you could." He sighed, grimacing. "At least this won't take long."

"_Only _if she doesn't try to scream my head off again."

"Maybe if we move fast she won't even get the chance."

"Okay…let's go." I rushed through the door quickly, heading straight for the staircase with Eli behind me.

"I thought I told you that you weren't welcome here." My mother's words clawed at my back.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll be out of here as soon as possible." I shot back, my face twisting with anger.

"She's just here to pack some of her things." Eli stated calmly. I could tell he was trying his best to keep things elevated.

"Where are you going to go?" Helen ignored Eli's comment, instead focusing on me.

"I'm going with Eli. Someone who _won't_ kick me out of the house." I spun around to look at her. "Now if you'll excuse me-I have to go pack so I can get the hell out of here."

"Eli isn't even the father." She spoke before I could continue upstairs.

"It doesn't matter. I want to be there for her." He stated blandly.

"She dragged you into this situation? God would be ashamed of you, Clare!"

"She didn't drag me into it-I made the offer." Eli's voice was dangerously low.

"You are not allowed to set foot in this house until you learn not to behave like a stripper off the sidewalk. And what about school? You think you can just run away with Eli?"

"I'll figure something out. I'll get my diploma." I sneered.

"Come on, Clare. Let's just get this over with." Eli bit back his tongue, attempting not to let his anger get the best of him.

"Okay." I finally replied, yet I couldn't take my gaze off of my mother.

"Clare?" His words brought me back into reality.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I guess I just-zoned out or something."

"No, you're fine, there's no need to apologize. Let's go." He reached for my hand and we went upstairs.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm not even going to be sleeping in my own bed." I mumbled, flopping down on it.

"At least you'll be sleeping in mine." He smirked and I threw a pillow at him.

"Not the time for jokes." I warned him, but a smile crept its way onto my face.

"Alright, so, what exactly do you wanna bring?"

"Other than the necessities? Not much. Maybe just some books and my journal."

"The infamous journal where Clare Edwards confesses all of her juicy stories."

"Eli, seriously." I let out a giggle. "There's nothing scandalous in there."

"So you didn't write about us having sex?"

"Eli! Would you just quit it and help me pack?" I insisted, getting up off the bed.

"Hey, you're the one who mentioned the journal."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes playfully. "Okay, I have a bag up here in my closet."

"Clare, you in here?" Jake called from the hallway.

"Yeah. Come in." I replied, trying to grab the duffle bag.

"Can I uh, talk to you alone for a second?" Jake spoke quietly.

"Sure…Eli, you can go wait in Jake's room or something."

"Alright, I'll just…yeah." Eli muttered and soon enough Jake and I were standing alone.

"What is it? Did something else happen?" I questioned him.

"No, no. I just wanted to tell you something." He sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I'm sorry. About everything that's happening. And when you were telling Helen back there, I should've said something."

"You did, though?"

"But I should've said more. Done more. You're not any of those things that she said, Clare."

"I don't know…she's probably right." I shook my head shamefully.

"No, she isn't. You messed up big time, I'll admit that. But I know you're not a slut. And I know however long you stay with Eli he'll take care of you, but if you ever need anything you can always call me. I wanna start being a better brother."

I smiled warmly. "Thanks, Jake."

"No problem…Anyway, guess you better pack so you can go."

"You better get Eli out of your room before he tries to find out any of _your _secrets." I kidded.

"Right. Hey, Goldsworthy!" He called out. "You can come back now."

"That was fast." I could hear Eli say, and he was quickly back in my bedroom.

"Well, it wasn't anything big. Just wanted to let her know something." Jake shrugged. "I'll see you two…Actually, I don't know when I'll see you. But, good luck with all of this." And then he was gone.

"What was that about?" Eli asked, helping me put clothes into my bag.

"He just wanted to tell me that he'll be here for me."

"Ah, a brother-sister moment."

"It was nice. I needed it after what happened today."

"I can imagine." He nodded. "I'm gonna go start the car. You can get anything else you need and meet me outside when you're ready, okay?"

"Sounds good." I agreed, and he headed downstairs.

* * *

I looked around at my room, since I wasn't going to be seeing it for a while. I tried to take in every little detail. The color of the walls, the tiny scratch on my dresser, the picture of Darcy I kept next to my bed.

I took one last glance before I went to the bathroom to get some last minute things. This is really happening. This is real life. I've been kicked out of my own house. And now I have to go mess up Eli's life too. How I could not feel guilty?

When I met Eli outside, the headlights were illuminating the garage door. I hadn't realized it was already eight o'clock, which means we were probably going to have to stay at a hotel for the night.

I swung open the car door and sat down in the passenger seat. "It's late. We're gonna have to rent a hotel room tonight."

"A hotel room, huh?" Eli smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Very funny." I replied sarcastically.

"Alright, well, we'll drive around and see what we see." He agreed, placing his hands on the wheel.

"Wait!" I exclaimed before Eli could start driving.

"What's wrong?" He turned to face me.

"Before we go anywhere, I have to tell Drew."


	7. Chapter 7: Crumble

Clare's POV:

"Before we go anywhere, I have to tell Drew." My eyes fell to my hands.

"Right." Eli huffed, attempting to disguise the annoyance in his voice. "Guess I'm going to have to stop by his house."

"You're coming with me?" I looked up at him, nervousness boiling in my veins.

"How else are you going to get there?" He asked plainly.

"I could walk, you know."

"Clare, that's ridiculous. I have a car right here. I'm not going to make you walk."

"Are you sure? I didn't exactly think you'd want to see this. Or see him." I muttered quietly, tearing my gaze away.

"I wasn't planning on coming in." His voice grew cold. I felt a pain in my chest while I fumbled for something to say. Anything.

"You're not the only one who's unhappy right now." I choked back tears and I saw his expression soften.

"But I can if you want me to." He placed his rough hand on top of my delicate one.

"No, no it's fine. I can handle this on my own." I replied, flinching at his touch.

"You can still text me if you need me. I'll just wait outside."

"Actually, you might want to drive around a bit…this could take a while." I bit my lip to keep myself from breaking down then and there.

Eli said nothing more, instead pushed down on the gas pedal and we started driving. Silence instantly came among us. The air suddenly seemed too heavy; too intense. I felt like I was being cornered in between two walls with no escape. Like I couldn't breathe. What is Drew going to think when he finally hears what I have to tell him? What if he doesn't support my decision? What if he puts the blame on me? What if he just leaves me to go through this all on my own? What if _Eli_ leaves me too?

"Clare, what's wrong?" Eli interrupted my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I managed to utter weakly.

"You're crying. What were you thinking about?

"Nothing, just…keep your eyes on the road."

"Clare." He pleaded, the car coming to a gentle stop. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. Come on, I want to get this over with." My hands began to reach for the keys, but Eli took hold of my arm.

"I know you're scared."

"Oh, is it that obvious? It's not like I'm pregnant or anything." I replied sarcastically.

"Clare, that's not what I meant." He turned up my chin, brushing my cheek with his thumb. "I meant that I know you're afraid of what's going to happen when you walk in there. And I don't blame you. No one would. But I promise you that you're going to get through this. I'm not going to leave your side."

I flung my arms around his neck, pulling him into a desperate embrace.

"I love you." I croaked.

"I love you too." He lightly pushed away the curl that was falling into my eyes. "Ready?"

"I guess so." I sighed, and Eli began driving again.

* * *

"What if he's not even home?" I spoke frantically. "Maybe we should just wait until tomorrow when he comes home from school."

"Clare. You can do this." He leaned in closely, his breath tickling against my skin. "Maybe this can help you out."

Before I could respond his lips were already on mine. He tangled his fingers in my auburn curls, and I let my hands explore his body. Leaving my mouth bare, he moved to create a trail of kisses along my jaw line. He graced me with one last kiss on my forehead before pulling away.

"Was that enough inspiration, Edwards?" He gazed into my eyes with that undeniably complacent smirk.

"It could've been better." I kidded playfully.

"You know, downing the kissing skills can really hurt a man." He feigned distress, earning a chuckle from me. "Mission accomplished."

"What?" I tilted my head in confusion.

"I made you smile."

I couldn't control the light pink hue from creeping onto my cheeks, but it vanished quickly when I reminded myself why I was here.

"Guess I better go do this now." I sighed mournfully, opening the car door.

"Hey." Eli's words were hardly audible, but they were enough to catch my attention. "Everything will be okay."

Although I didn't truly believe him, I nodded before turning back and arriving on Drew's front porch. I inhaled sharply and knocked on the door.

"Clare?" Asked the voice that I'd been terrified to hear ever since I found out.

"Drew."

"What are you doing here? It's like, nine thirty at night." He laughed, motioning for me to step inside.

"I have to talk to you." I could feel a knot forming in my stomach, twisting with every word that I spoke.

"This isn't about us is it?" His expression turned stony.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, _us _us. I mean…I thought we agreed we'd just be friends. And I've…already kind of moved onto someone else."

"This isn't about _us_." I fired back, angry that he assumed me being here had something to do with me wanting to be with him.

"I'm sorry." His gaze turned to the floor.

"This…this is about us. But not like that."

"Okay, well, what is it?"

A single tear escaped its way out from my eyelid and trickled down to my chin.

"Remember the day that we…you know. In the prop room."

"Um, yeah. What about it?"

I clamped a hand over my mouth in attempt to hush any noise that threatened to come out. My body began to tremble, and I shook my head shamefully.

"No. No you can't be here to tell me what I think you're here to tell me." Drew spoke quickly, as if he didn't want to hear himself saying it out loud.

"I don't know how else to tell you." My chest was heaving, and it felt like all the air had been emptied from my lungs. "I'm pregnant, Drew. I'm pregnant with your baby."

"Excuse me?" Drew's tone became terrifyingly low.

"We used protection! I don't understand how this is happening." I was bringing myself off the edge, bursting into a fit of cries.

"I-I can't believe this! This is my _senior year_! Everything was finally the way it was supposed to be and now it's all fucked because of you and this freaking baby!" He growled, smashing his fist onto the kitchen table.

"You say it like this is _my _fault! It takes TWO people to have sex, Drew!" I hollered, throwing my hands up in the air.

Suddenly Drew's entire demeanor changed, as he slumped down into the chair next to him.

"I'm sorry, Clare. I shouldn't have said that." He exhaled, cradling his head in his hands. "This is my fault, too."

"They kicked me out." I blurted, aware of the fact that Drew wouldn't know what I was talking about.

"What?" He asked softly, lifting his head up.

"My parents. They kicked me out."

"Clare, I…" Drew's eyes were apologetic, and I know that he knows what it feels like to be disowned by your parents. But it couldn't take away the pain.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything."

"Who are you staying with then?" He shook his head in disbelief.

"Eli." I murmured, my body tensing at bringing him up in front of Drew.

"Isn't Eli in New York?"

"He was. He came back here to help me when I-when I told my family."

"Does Eli…does he know?" Drew's voice broke at the end of his sentence.

"Yeah."

"Was he mad?"

"I really don't think that's your business." I told him gently, not wanting to get in depth of my confrontation with Eli.

"But I don't understand. Why would he come here to help you? It's not his baby. Why didn't you tell me before you told _him_?" He spat bitterly. "I think of all people _I _deserved to know this first!"

"I know, Drew. I know and I'm sorry. But…we have to decide what we're going to do."

"Maybe it's best that you get an abortion." His words were like knives.

"An abortion? Drew… I can't just destroy someone's life." I whimpered.

"Then put it up for adoption!

"Drew, you can't just throw things at me! We have to sit here and talk this out! Talk about our options!"

"I can't deal with this right now! I can't deal with this period!" He replied angrily, rising from his seat and heading for the front door.

"Where are you going?!" I shrieked, scurrying after him.

"Anywhere but here."

"This is your house, you know!" I shot at him, but was irritated when he didn't respond. "So you're just going to leave me here to deal with this by myself?!"

"You're a big girl. I think you can figure something out." He snarled before slamming the door.


	8. Chapter 8: I'm A Mess

**Author's Note: I've actually never done one of these before, so this is a first haha. I got a review on this story saying that the way I made Drew react isn't the way he'll react in canon. I certainly do not think Drew will be nearly as harsh as I made him. I do think that he has grown as a character and gained a sense of responsibilty. Drew isn't the same guy he was in season 10. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a douchebag. However, there is reasoning behind why I had him respond that way, and you'll see why :) Just wanted to let you know! **

Eli's POV:

I had driven around for about twenty minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. My mind was racing just thinking of all the ways that Drew could be reacting right now. I know I told Clare to text me if she needed me, but I know Clare. She always wants to believe that she is strong enough to handle everything on her own. Even when she needs help, she's always scared to ask for it. I had to go back and see if everything was okay.

The house was quickly within view when I saw a figure storming down the driveway. Drew.

What was he doing outside? Did Clare leave already without me? The thoughts attacked my brain as I came to a stop by the curb. I rolled down the window anxiously.

"What are you doing here?" Drew mumbled under his breath.

"I thought you were talking to Clare?" I questioned suspiciously, wondering if things had gone in a negative direction.

"I was. Now I'm not." He snapped, folding his arms across his chest.

"Where is she?"

"She's still in my house."

"So you walked out on her is what you're saying." I rephrased his words.

"How is any of this your business anyway?" He shot back, his eyes narrowing.

"I want to help Clare through this."

"The last time I checked, this was _my_ _baby_."

"That's funny, considering you're standing out here." I retorted.

"I just don't want to deal with it right now, okay?"

"And you think Clare does?"

"That's not what I said-", he began defensively when I interrupted.

"You can't just leave her to go through it on her own! She was willing to decide on something you both wanted yet you bailed mid-conversation."

Drew inhaled sharply. "If you're so concerned, why don't you help her then?"

"I may be her boy-", I stopped myself short. "I may be her friend but I'm not the father."

"Well maybe your _girlfriend _shouldn't have talked me into having sex with her! None of this would have happened if it weren't for that stupid kiss on Thanksgiving!"

I was instantly taken aback by his comment. "You kissed each other on Thanksgiving?"

"She didn't mention it?" Drew's voice grew soft, assuming that I had already known.

"No."

"Look, it's a messed up situation."

"Which is why you should be in there talking to her so you can figure something out!"

"I don't _want_ to figure something out! If she just hadn't come onto me like that everything would be fine right now!"

"She wasn't the only one who did her part." I struggled to control my temper.

"She shouldn't have had sex with me to just run off to you in the end! It was a slutty move!"

"Clare's not a slut." I replied through gritted teeth. As angry as I am with Clare and what happened between her and Drew, I know that the Clare with morals is still in there somewhere.

"I didn't put my money on her being one, but I guess we can't always be right."

"You know, you aren't exactly Jesus' boy either." I sneered, my mouth turning downwards in contempt. "How many girls have _you_ hooked up with?"

"That's not what this is about." He growled in reply.

"It seems like that's what you're making it about."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore!"

"She made a mistake!" I yelled in a weak attempt to persuade him.

"A mistake that's about to ruin _both_ of our lives!"

Before our conversation could continue any further, we heard the close of a door. Drew and I both turned our heads to see Clare standing on the front porch, despairing tears in her eyes.

"Did you…hear any of that?" Drew whispered.

"Only from the very beginning to the bitter end." Her words came out choked and torn.

"Clare, listen, I was just-", Drew commenced only for her to intervene.

"No, it's okay. I get it. I deserved what you said."

"No, you didn't." I shook my head, hoping I could convince her otherwise. I didn't want Clare to think that the entire load of this situation should be dumped on her.

"Yes, I did!" She cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'll be left to pick up the pieces and I _deserve _it."

"I didn't mean to-", Drew tried to explain himself once more.

"You did. You meant what you said." She wiped the tears from her cheek clumsily. "And that's okay."

"No, it's not." He paused, and when he heard only silence he proceeded on. "I'm sorry, Clare."

"Does this mean you'll come back in here so we can talk?" She asked, the tiniest spark of hope illuminating her eyes.

"No."

"What? Why?!" Clare screamed in frustration.

"Because I already told you what you can do!"

"It's not about what I can do, it's what I _should_ do! Which won't be decided unless you TALK to me!"

"I _am_ talking to you!" Drew smashed his fist against the car door and regretted it immediately. He winced in pain.

"That's not what I mean and you know it!"

"Guys, maybe it'd be best if you stopped yelling at each other." I urged them to calm down but failed miserably.

"You know what? Fine! You want to talk? Okay Clare, let's _talk._"

Clare opened her mouth to protest when Drew held up a hand.

"Me first. You actually made me think that you liked me. I was there for you all of those times Eli was treating you like shit. I was there for not even as someone you were in a relationship with, but just as a friend. And then you had sex with me, just to go and chase after Eli again! And you're right, you being pregnant is my fault just as well as it is yours. But I want a life. I want to be able to enjoy the final days I have at Degrassi."

"And what about me? You don't think I want a life!? You don't think I want to enjoy the rest of my senior year?"

"Of course I do!" He stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then why are you only thinking of yourself?! You were a part of this! You were a part of this, Drew!"

"I told you-either have an abortion, or go through with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption!"

"It's not that simple, Drew! You know about my beliefs!"

"Beliefs? What beliefs? They didn't seem so important when we were having sex." He snapped angrily. "You know, you aren't as innocent as you claim yourself to be. Actually, you're quite the opposite."

"Okay, now hold on a second-", I was about to lose control right then and there. I wasn't going to let Drew stand there and rip Clare apart.

"I needed you to be by my side with this! I know you've never been the most responsible but I thought you'd at least have a heart!" She was becoming hysteric.

"You have Eli." Drew replied barbarically. "He's always the one you crawl back to anyway."

"But Eli's not the father, _you are_!" Clare chided.

"I know! But I can't handle this! Not right now."

"And what if I were to go through with the pregnancy?! Do you just expect me to go to doctor's appointments alone? Get ultrasounds alone? Name our own baby alone?!"

"I don't want a baby!"

"Well _neither do I_! Don't you even care about it? You made this person too!"

"I'm done with this conversation." Drew murmured, reaching out to open his car door.

"Drew, you can't do this to Clare. She deserves for you to at least sit down and have a civilized discussion." I turned to glance at her. The sight of the girl I was in love with being so broken, so distraught and lost practically tore my heart right from my body.

"I'm not the one with the baby growing inside of me." He spoke blandly.

"And that's why you should stay in on this! That just proves she's going to go through a hell of a lot more than you!"

"Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe I'll make the choice to be a part of this. But right now, I can't. I can't handle it."

"So you're just…walking away on me?" Clare's tone was dark and hollow.

"I guess I am."


	9. Chapter 9: End Up Here

Clare's POV:

"I guess I am." Drew's words stung at my insides.

"Fine." I spat, although a layer of fear hid beneath my voice. "I'll do this on my own."

"Eli will be a better father than I ever would anyway. All I do is mess things up."

"Drew," I could see droplets forming in his eyes. "You know that's not true."

"It's okay, Clare. You don't have to lie." He shook his head miserably.

"I don't expect you to have it all figured out. I don't even have the slightest idea of what to do. But what I _did_ expect was for you to at least not ditch me like this."

"I have to go." He ignored my comment and began to climb into his car.

"Drew, wait." I attempted to stop him, but was cut off by the sound of the engine and the vision of him driving away.

"I'm sorry, Clare." Eli turned to face me.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I bit my lip to keep from breaking down.

"You don't have to do anything. Just wait and he'll come around."

"And what if he doesn't?" I cried, burying my face in my hands.

"Then I guess you're stuck with me on this one." Eli's tone was soothing.

"This isn't fair to you! You shouldn't have to deal with this."

"Hey," He murmured, removing my hands and meeting my gaze. "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be."

"Please don't leave me." I allowed the tears to fall.

"You couldn't make me even if you tried." He smiled softly and I threw myself into his embrace.

"I guess we better get going." His voice was muffled against my shirt.

"Alright." I sighed, pulling out from the hug.

"Wait a minute…" Eli's eyebrows furrowed.

"What?"

"Clare, why don't we just stay at my house? With CeCe and Bullfrog."

"I thought we were gonna go back to New York?"

"Yeah, but think about it: this way you can keep going to school until you have the baby."

"We can't just do that."

"You deserve to graduate from Degrassi."

"But what about you? It's NYU, Eli!"

"College is always going to be there. I can wait until next year and re-apply."

"What? No! I'm not going to let you do that."

"Will you let me do this?" He smirked before leaning in for a subtle kiss.

"Now,_ that_ I won't refuse." I grinned back at him.

"I'm serious, Clare. I think it'll be what's best for us."

I studied his face, surprised how he referred to him and me.

"What?"

"You said 'us'. Does that mean what I think it means?"

"You tell me." His lips met mine yet again. Except this kiss was different. It wasn't chaste; it was flooded with passion and longing.

"I'll take that as a yes." I replied, out of breath from the lack of oxygen.

"So my house it is?"

"Eli, I-"

"I want you to trust me on this." He interrupted, taking my hands in his.

"Are you _positive_ that this is what you want? I don't want you to throw everything away."

"I'm not throwing it all away; I'm just…putting it on pause. And when I'm ready to go back, I'll put it on play."

"Then I guess I can't turn down the offer." I finally gave in, making my way into Eli's black Honda.

* * *

"CeCe? Bullfrog? Are you guys home?" Eli called out when we entered the doorway.

"Eli?" Cece's voice answered, and soon she appeared from in the kitchen.

"Hey, mom."

"Eli, what are you doing here?" CeCe questioned.

"He's not the only one you weren't expecting." I chimed in, stepping forward beside Eli.

"Clare! I haven't seen you in quite a while." She smiled warmly. "I don't mean to sound unwelcoming, but what exactly are you doing here? Both of you, actually."

"Mom, there's something that we have to tell you." Eli began, gesturing to the living room. "I think you should sit down for this."

"Alright." She led us into the room and onto the couch. "Is it something good?"

"Well, not exactly…" I faltered, taking the cushion next to Eli so we were facing CeCe. "I'm kind of, um…pregnant."

"This sounds like a joke. Is it a joke?" She laughed lightly.

"I'm serious, actually."

"Eli!" She scolded him. "You know you were supposed to wait until you and Clare were married to have sex!"

"Mom, the baby-"

"You weren't supposed to pressure her into making that decision! You should've respected it!"

"Mom, listen to me-"

"I mean, I know it was her choice too but-"

"Mom!" Eli finally grasped her attention.

"What?"

"The baby isn't his." I blurted out.

"What do you mean it isn't his?" She questioned, her eyebrows furrowing together.

"It's Drew's."

"Drew? Clare, you had sex with another boy?"

"Yes." I turned my head away shamefully.

"I…I'm not sure what to say."

"Helen made Clare leave the house." Eli changed the subject matter.

"Made her leave?" CeCe asked worriedly.

"She kicked me out." I felt a pain in my chest just replaying the moment in my mind.

"Oh, Clare…" She placed a hand on top of mine.

"And Drew kind of bailed on me."

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know this must be hard on you."

"Try impossible." I muttered, choking back tears.

"Which is why we were wondering if maybe…we could stay here. Until Clare graduates." Eli proposed hopefully.

"I think you're forgetting about a little something called NYU." CeCe reminded him.

"I didn't forget about it. I'm doing this for Clare. She needs someone by her side to get through this. I can't just leave her alone."

"You're halfway done your first year, honey. You don't want that all to go to waste, do you?"

"No, but college is always going to be there waiting for me. I can re-apply to NYU, Clare can't re-apply to Degrassi. I want her to graduate just like I did."

"I know, but have you thought about what would happen if you re-apply and they don't accept you?"

"Glad to see you have faith in me." Eli retorted sarcastically.

"Oh baby boy, of course I have faith in you," she promised. "I'm just trying to consider all of the outcomes."

"I get it, mom, but I'd deal with that when the situation comes. Right now I'm just concerned about where we can stay."

"You and Clare are more than welcome to stay here. If you think this is the best decision for the two of you, I'm willing to support it." Her smile was truly genuine.

"Thank you so much, CeCe." I sprang forward to engulf her in a hug.

"It's no problem." She insisted, patting my back lovingly.

"I'll go get your things, Clare." Eli said, standing up from the sofa and making his way towards the front door.

"Wait, let me help you!" I jogged to catch up with him.

"Doubting my strength I see, Edwards." He joked with a smirk plastered on his face.

"The bags aren't really that heavy." I replied playfully and Eli rolled his eyes.

"Then why do you need to help me?"

"Because you're already doing so much for me. Helping you carry bags is the least I can do. I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything, Clare. Although, a thank you kiss would be very much appreciated."

I let out a chuckle and kissed his lips.

"Eli…?" I began, but trailed off quickly.

"Yeah?" He pressed on while retrieving the bags from the trunk.

"What if Helen never forgives me?" My voice came out shakier than I anticipated.

"She will."

"What if she never reaches out to me?"

"She will."

"What if-"

"Clare, your mom will talk to you eventually. She can't stay mad at you forever." He reassured me.

"You honestly think so?"

"I know so." Eli spun around to face me. "I think you might've been right about my bag carrying skills, Edwards. Can you give me a hand?" He asked, motioning to the last bag in the trunk.

"You can always count on me." I smiled, grabbed the bag, and we headed back inside.

* * *

Eli's POV:

It was ten o'clock and we had just finished putting Clare's clothes in an empty drawer of my dresser. We were sprawled out across my bed, and her head was on my chest. The room was filled with nothing but the sound of our breathing. And if I was being absolutely truthful, I could lay like this forever.

"Clare?" I spoke in a hushed tone.

"Hmm?" She murmured, and I could tell she was tired from all of the chaos that happened today.

"You're beautiful, you know."

She looked up at me with her big blue eyes, a shade of pink escaping onto her cheeks.

"And you're even more beautiful when you blush."

"You're pretty handsome yourself, I must admit." She played along.

"What can I say? I was blessed with these good looks." I replied smugly, which earned me a light slap on the arm. "Violent!"

"What can I say? My appearance is deceiving." She chuckled, interlacing her fingers with mine. "Eli?"

"Yeah?" I looked down again to meet her gaze.

"I love you. And I know I've said it a thousand times, but, I'm so sorry for what I did." Her eyes were glazed over with regret.

"Don't worry, because I love you too."

"What would I do without you?" She shook her head in disbelief.

"You won't ever have to think about that. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."


	10. Chapter 10: Pressure

Eli's POV:

I woke up the next morning to find Clare still asleep next to me. I didn't want to wake her, so I just admired the way her curls were swept gently across her forehead. The rise and fall of her chest with every breath that she took.

"Eli?" She spoke groggily, her eyes fluttering open.

"Morning beautiful." I smiled down at her.

"I just woke up. I probably look like crap."

"You always look good to me."

"Stop making me blush." She replied jokingly.

"Never." I teased back.

"I…I have to talk to you about something." Her tone grew serious.

"What is it?"

"Last night when you thought I was asleep, I really wasn't. I was still awake. And I spent almost all night thinking."

"Thinking. Always scary." I made a frail attempt to keep the mood light.

"It's about the baby. What if Drew isn't the father? "

"Clare, I think it's pretty obvious that-"

"What if you are?"

"I wish I was." I said with a grimace. "But we both know that's not the case."

"How do you know? Eli, remember when you came back from New York to visit me? We had sex that night."

I had totally forgotten Clare and I slept together recently.

"Do you actually think…?" I started but trailed off.

"I think there's a chance. Which is why I want to get a paternity test."

"Why didn't we think of this before?"

"I guess since Drew was the last person I had sex with I kind of just assumed the baby was his."

"Even if the baby is mine…does that change anything?"

"What do you mean?" She asked worriedly, her eyebrows knit together.

"Does that change if you want to keep the baby or not?"

"No, why would it?"

"So you want to? Keep it?"

"It's not like I would ever get an abortion. Adoption is pretty much my only choice."

"Okay. Want me to call and schedule an appointment at the doctor's?" I wrapped my arms around her waist and she draped hers around my neck.

"I guess so." She mumbled over my shoulder. "Eli?"

"Yeah?

"You'll come with me, right?"

"Of course." I spoke softly.

"And are you sure you're willing to go through all of this? I mean doctor's appointments, weird cravings, and morning sickness-"

"Clare. Don't worry about me."

"How can I not?" She whined, pulling back to look at my face. "I still feel bad for getting you involved in my problem."

"Hey, your problem is my problem." I reassured her with a smirk, but she still seemed hesitant. "We'll get through this. It's you and me, Edwards."

"And no Drew because he bailed on me." She murmured sadly.

"If Drew wants to walk away, let him. But _I_ on the other hand, won't be leaving anytime soon. Or anytime ever."

"I love you so much." She whispered, and before I could say it in return, her lips were on mine.

* * *

"Clare?" I wandered into the living room to find her lying on the couch. "I just got off the phone with the hospital. Fortunately someone cancelled their appointment today which means they have an open slot.

"What time?"

"Three forty-five." I replied, glancing at the watch on my wrist.

"Three forty-five? It's already three twenty right now!" She exclaimed, springing onto her feet.

"Then I guess we better get going, huh?" I began to turn around when she grabbed my arm.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Her blue eyes were tense.

"If there's a possible chance this baby could be mine then I want to know."

"Alright. Then let's go." She agreed, and we both headed out the door to the car.

"Milady." I said while holding open her car door.

"I haven't heard you say that in so long."

"What, you don't like it? I have to say I'm a bit offended." I kidded, feigning hurt.

"I do like it." She smiled,"It's just that we haven't been together in a while, and when we were it was mostly fighting all the time. It's nice to know that it's not anymore."

"Well, let's try our best to keep it that way." I replied with a chuckle and she climbed into the passenger seat, while I made my way into the driver's seat beside her.

"It's gonna be hard." Clare blurted out suddenly.

"Care to elaborate on what 'it' is, exactly?" I questioned, backing out of the driveway and onto the road.

"Giving up the baby for adoption."

"You know we can't raise a child, Clare. We're too young. We're not ready to be tied down like that."

"I understand that." She sighed, playing with her hands in her lap. "But knowing in my mind that I'm gonna have to go through all of this just to give up my baby to someone else…it hurts."

I reached out to place a hand on top of hers. "It's not going to be easy. And I know that I'll never truly understand because you're the one who's creating this person…But I promise I'll be by your side every step of the way."

"What if I put it up for adoption and there's no family that wants it?" Tears began cumulating in her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in my arms.

"That won't happen." I knew I was making a statement that wasn't guaranteed.

"And what if it does?" She whimpered.

"Clare, you can't constantly being worrying about that. You'll make yourself sick." My heart ached for her.

"I know, but I can't help it! It's been on my mind ever since the second I found out."

"Just try not to think about it, okay? Please."

"I can't promise you that I won't." She shook her head miserably.

"I need you to try. Not for me, but for yourself."

"For me. Right." She nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. I gave her a subtle smile before placing my hand back onto the wheel.

* * *

Clare's POV:

"Hello, Mrs. Edwards." She stated warmly, reaching out to shake my hand. "And you are?" She asked, turning her attention to Eli.

"Eli Goldsworthy. I'm who you spoke with on the phone earlier today."

"Well, it is a pleasure to meet you." She shook his hand as well.

"So Clare, it seems you're stuck in quite a rut."

"You're telling me." I mumbled sarcastically.

"Since it appears you are about 12 weeks pregnant, the test we will be going forth with is called chronic villus sampling. This involves taking a sample of tissue from the placenta for testing."

"Will it hurt?" I could feel my stomach twist.

"It won't be anything more than discomfort, actually. The test is often compared to a pap smear."

"And how long will it take?"

"It is a very short procedure that takes no longer than a few minutes." Her tone was calm and tranquil.

"Okay. Should my boyfriend leave before you do it?" I saw Eli smirk at the term 'boyfriend' in the corner of my eye.

"If that's how you will feel most comfortable."

"I'll wait right outside." He gave me one last kiss before exiting the room.

"Ms. Edwards, I'm going to need you to remove your pants along with your underwear."

"Okay." I obliged, and I blushed when I saw Eli poke his head around the door.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed. Trust me, I've seen a lot of different people!" She laughed heartily.

"Um, actually, it was because my-", I cut myself short when Eli quickly disappeared back into the hall. "Never mind."

"Before we proceed, there is something that I have to inform you of." Dr. Sanders' tone was now serious.

"What is it?

"It is possible to determine paternity with this test, but there is risk you will be taking."

"A risk? What do you mean a risk?" My heart was hammering against my chest.

"Two to three women out of 100 will miscarry following chorionic villus sampling."

I felt like I was going to be sick.

"M-miscarry?" My bottom lip began to tremble.

"Don't worry, Ms. Edwards. The possibilities of that occurring are extremely slim to none." She attempted to reassure me.

"But there's still a chance! I don't know if I can do this knowing that might happen."

"If you are too anxious to go through with the procedure we can reschedule, or just cancel it overall."

"N-no. I have to know who the father of my baby is." Tears threatened to create a stream down my cheeks.

"Okay. I'm just going to ask you to lie on the examination table so I can put your feet in the stirrups and we can get this done."

* * *

"Alright, everything went well and is finished up." Dr. Sanders said as she entered back into the room.

"Please, Dr. Sanders, the suspense is killing me." I whispered anxiously. "Tell me. Who is the father of this baby?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Edwards. The results of a paternity test don't come back for a time span of five to ten days."


End file.
